Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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