He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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