i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
