Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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