Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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