physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We have so much sex to catch up on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
