Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
