I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
