She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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