She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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