she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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