Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
