Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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