Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
