If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
