Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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