Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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