fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
