I should be sponsored by Trojan
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
