The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
