What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
