Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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