I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
