You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
