Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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