You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
