During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
