not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
