its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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