Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
