I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
