There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
