Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
