You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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