dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
