We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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