why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
