How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
