I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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