I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She announced her abortion via fbk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
