I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
