Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
