you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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