Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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