This girl is more easily done than said...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
