Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
