Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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