absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
