Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
