I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My feet surprised me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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