I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
