She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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