i was born a porn star she said
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize