Cold hands, warm shart.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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