a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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