I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
