This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
