idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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