Kiss
Puke
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
