her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You don't make any sense
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