I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
