Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
