it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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