The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
