I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
