If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
